Breaking the Break!!

Hiatus as long as five months, that is when I last posted on my blog. Not that there haven’t been any issues, just that lack of will and also my all-the more-important quality- a lazy bone.(I always try to stitch together two good reasons for not doing stuff…it kinda makes me feel less guilty)

Finally someone had to tag me to get me started and it could not have been no one better, and so Mugdha it was! (Well the manner in which shez tagged me calls for some indifferent reactions from me…but all of that later!) Time for a candid confession(CCs are meant to be heard/read depending on which part of your body is more active and further it as a “let go” kinda stuff….so don’t rack your brains too much with ‘em) I dint exactly know what was I supposed to do after being tagged. Initially I thought it was just a good gesture from Mugdha and I had to return the favor to complete my side of the trade, then I thought mebbe it was a sign for me to write something and that thought kept on haunting me as I wasn’t able to boil down to any topic that I can get on paper. Wait! I hear you saying terrorism but a No I don’t want to act as an armchair expert doing the worst-possible post mortem of one of the most dastardly acts and suggesting a set of suggestions so unfeasible that I fear even they (read suggestions) believe they cannot be implemented. I am quite certain that you’ll get to read much better literature on that in almost all the national dailies. Getting back to boiling (and other culinary tasks… ha-ha…bad joke!!) when I had almost made up my mind to let even this opportunity-to-write pass off comfortably although with a little guilt, Eureka!! When Mugdha told me that I was supposed to write on myself. Couldn’t have been anything better (ask for a vanilla and u get a Sunday!!)

So here I am, thanks to one-of-my-favorite blog writers (read Mugdha) “Breaking the Break” that I took five months ago!!

But before I start,

Disclaimer: I try not to frighten ordinary people with the gratuitous displays of my mental superiority.
(Mugs I can’t help but mention you after every single sentence but keeping the reading audience in mind I will fill you in later)

And for my reader audience, fellas don’t start painting my image yet, let that brush wait for a few extra minutes before it starts it most-abstract of human paintings for theres still a lot more to come.

So, Here I go, Don’t turn the page!!

For starters I have never been that kinda person whoz living any Truman Show. I have never believed in acting perfectly and have asked for more than one retake on most of the occasions. Successes have been so few and far between that even the chances of finding an oasis in a desert are more. Believe me words can only but add to the enigma of my present and past existence. But for what it’s worth, it was worth all the while!!

But before you start thinking about me as some kinda boring, philosophical and an emotional sad a@# (without any reference to any expletives ;) ) I am N0T!!Its just that I prefer stating the blacks, whites and grays of ma (this word cost me my Placement Committee membership…but that story later) life.

No more of stale, old boring self because I still hope to have at least half of you guys reading further on from here.

My take on the status quo regarding placements which is some real dough to most,
Well if any of you is even remotely worried about placements you’ll find your best companion in me (although um from the opposite camp).I care least about placements. Not that I have companies waiting in line wanting to take me in. It’s just that I care least about things which matter the most. I believe that makes ‘em less important and in a way you win over ‘em.I have seen a lot o friends tearing their hair apart with the gloomy job prospects and I bet my ever-so-little bank balance that none of these worries have helped them any which way!! I wonder, Why behave like a battered wife trapped in a marriage that has gone brutally wrong?

Now that specifics are done with, my generic self…I love music although the taste bud here keeps on changing more frequently than Pakistan changing its PM.Currently(and this is since the last night) tuned to more of Pakistani bands, although lately Hindi numbers from the latest movies was what I was listening to! And more broadly I can listen to almost anything if you are good enough to convince me that it’s worth a try! (Yeah that is exactly how I started listening to songs…recos from my friends)

Change and adapting to it, I think has been something which I have strongly advocated as well as practiced. As long as I am convinced that it is going to pan out well for me I do, although if somewhere down the middle I think it’s gone awfully wrong I don’t mind tracing back on the canvas. So here you see I give you another reason for your brush to keep it waiting.

Well I guess I need to exercise restraint here and stop making this sound more like an autobiography, else it’s just going to be one of those morning jogs on your treadmill that you so very much want to get over with so that you feel a little less guilty while hogging at the breakfast table.

Well I know someone wanted to hear something else from this post and mugdha I ain’t gonna disappoint you, wait for the second edition and I guarantee* you and the other readers it is going to be wait the worth!! Till then try this,
Jumping out of an aircraft at 20,000 feet with no parachute, or swimming with a shark and wondering if your day will end with you inside his stomach!! ;))

* Guarantee applies only if the reader is in love too!! (Did I just spill the beans here?)

Treading the Line

I ain’t no expert on human psychology to comment on something that I wish to touch here. Thoughts have been crossing my mind about the power of being “non-judgmental”, about being “rational”, about being a “moderate” .This all sounds pretty much boring to you (Yes, I am indeed talking to you because I value what you think when you read my stuff) but this has been something which has been hitting on probably every part of my communication with the external environment.

I will start with something as trivial as using a “good” instead of a “best”. Just follow this simple exercise where you replace all superlatives with their relatively poorer-as-they-sound comparative counterparts. You will soon be able to see the difference. It becomes more acceptable to the person who is taking it. It becomes more substantial. It sounds more genuine. And most importantly it is something which you really meant. Even in a compliment this leaves a scope for a person to improve (believe me travelling from a good to a best is no easy job if you are really taking the journey) I, for once had this idea of using superlatives the moment I had to comment on a thing be it living/non living. But lately I have been giving it a thought for instance if I say, "You are one of the best things to happen to me!" Did I really mean that? Have I ever thought before this moment of all the things that have happened to me leave alone about being able to differentiate between good or bad? (It’s not something that I can’t distinguish between good or bad) but I certainly can’t say what the best is. And when I say best I am acting such a pessimist by thinking that probably all the things that are waiting to happen to me will be sub this. So what exactly is my idea of putting it the way I have done? Are there some vested interests playing their role behind this coming out of me? Am I trying flattery to deceive? Whereas a “You are one of the good things to have happened to me” has all the right things about it. No air, no fuss, no pretence; just a genuine little feeling that pops out right from my heart. Here I have also done some of the things the right way. I have stayed moderate no matter how good that thing was, I have kept up my rational stand although a brief span of irrationality did bother my tiny rational cells (I will term the rational cells as tiny and for this moment even less powerful than their irrational counterparts because in this tussle they still are the underdogs) and I was certainly “Non judgmental as I did not judge between what was the best or say good for me. I feel good for myself (look! It’s again good)This also helps you when you are making choices and making recos.It makes you come across as a person who knows what he says, one who is measured and one who means what he says.

Well, lastly I wish to say that I have nothing against the superlative beings(as human beings).It’s just that I feel I still have sometime before I start using them, before I start feeling their weight and before I really start meaning them. What I am practicing today with them is a complete injustice to the way they were meant to be used as, a trial and error approach where by I throw it and hope that it sticks, if it doesn’t I throw it again and expect it sticks this time. Long before I loose the weight of my comments(how-so-ever little it may be)I guess I realized it that it ain’t my cup of tea as yet .For the moment though good is good enough for me!

Random Thoughts

Well there is no coherent thought process that is going behind this piece of writing (I know it already sounds crappy).I had taken such a long sabbatical that I was dreading getting back to writing. But what made me start writing is equally absurd as the content. Loads of time at hand and that too during the office hours and I have no one to blame other than me. My mentor has been asking me all this while to get my ass in the office by 9:30 in the morning (Don’t make that “aah” expression because a mentor can ask you to come at 9:30 when he is relieving you of your duties at 5:30 the day before)
And I screwed it up again (yeah, this was not the first time I was turning up late for work ,I have done this on a regular basis) coming not any time before 10:30.Going by any standards there was no excuse that can possibly cover up for a such a big gaffe but out from my kitty came a probably by now worn out excuse, my-bus-was-late(I know I could have done better)I don’t even remember the last time I took a bus let alone taking it today. But now having done this I tried it all to get things back in place, the moment I rested my ass on the office chair I logged in and was working till 11:30 without a break, my eyes completely glued to the computer screen. What I was doing is another interesting thing. I conducted an interview of Mr.XYZ when I say an interview don’t think I was checking his philosophical or intellectual quotient, it was only that I was trying to get info from him on a particular topic which was of interest to my organization and obviously to me as well(Obviously doesn’t here justify my new found patriotism towards the organization, its just that I am interning and would want to get off this work asap)Now I was supposed to write the account of that interview way back on last Wednesday and the way I have put it to my mentor and the other colleagues they were assuming that I was done with it by Thursday but NO! I hadn’t done it. (when your are an engineer ,the thing which is the closest to your heart is doing stuff only when the poker is entirely inside your ass and another thing that adds on to it is you do not know whose name is on the handle)But I guess this was a blessing in disguise not having completed it in time as this gave me a chance to keep myself busy for almost more than an hour thus escaping the eyes of my mentor. Although scribbling down the account of the interview it is expected of me to reproduce it the way it was done and the way I was doing made little sense. It was as if I had rented the brains of Mr.XYZ and was sitting pretty much inside them while opening all the doors of that little messy thing at my will to see if there was anything to my liking or wanting. Well these doors also included the imaginary ones which had exactly the info I wanted. This makes me wonder it sounds so good this way as in, imaginary ways give you the ideal solutions.

Ssshh…..back to where I left it, as the time was passing by and the clock ticked well past 11,I was very happy that my mentor hasn’t noticed me and I can fake my In-time. But to my dismay no sooner did I mail the document to the senior and went to his desk he just said it, “So, sir where were you till 10:30?”Damn, I thought I had it all under control and I thought I had almost pulled it off but this guy said it and don’t get misled by the sir he used, he has this peculiar way of saying it, I just hope it is out of respect and not sarcasm.(I almost pulled it off even while writing this, I am talking about my in-time)I actually got ma ass in the office at only around 10:45,I wasn’t going to mention it but my conscience threatened me a moment ago that I better write it or He(I give it an undue respect)is on his way out so scaring the exit of the only good thing that I had I decided on writing it. I know by now even you don’t remember what I was talking about but then this is sometimes a problem with me while writing I suddenly find myself lost somewhere in the plot and when I realize that I should get on with the main stuff its usually very late and this makes me only summarizing about what was supposedly meant to be the most important part and thus making my crappy writing even more crappy.And so for an answer to the dreaded question came my equally lame answer. Disappointed at hearing it, he enacted similar parts of the scrip and added “Everyday you have one reason or the other” Damn ,Damn and I would want to write more damn ,can’t he have said something else? And there was more to follow when he finally said, “I don’t have time now, and we will sit in the second half”. Now this was the last thing I wanted at that moment. I nodded in unison as if I was so very much in support of the procrastination but the inner self was cursing the whole of me, especially my eyes for not waking up to the alarm. (people say he/she is so lazy, they should rather say his/her eyes are so lazy after all it’s the function of the eye to open up, what can I do if my some part of my body is malfunctioning?)Btw this is not the end of the story there’s more to it than meets the eye. The reason I got out of bed late had something to do with what I was doing yesterday post 7 in the evening. No I wasn’t up to some brain crunching stuff but I was watching after-all-not-so-good stuff on YouTube (See its eyes again) It’s so funny that the reason I wrote all this is courtesy the videos that I was watching a day before. I guess sometimes the reasons to an outcome lie well beyond the normal reasoning……